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CANOGA PARK, California - As the slowing economy continues to hit the housing market and automative industries, the adult film industry is dealing with the added threat of men learning to masturbate quicker to free short internet clips.

GENEVA, Switzerland- Internationally renown public studies center TMB Research Labs today released an exhaustive study that there is, contrary to popular belief, sunshine when She’s gone. The research was released immediately after She left, when passersby at the local Carl’s Sr. fast food restaurant noticed that the sunshine still remained. Researchers were immediately brought in to investigate.

TOPEKA, Kansas - Local accounts-payable clerk Sandra Randall has repeatedly told her friends, family, and anyone who would listen that her life is just like the HBO TV Series (and now major motion picture) Sex And The City . This is despite the fact that her life bears little resemblance to anything that has ever been on the show.

The Monkey Box is pleased to welcome Shitfaced Shannon O'Malley as our newest columnist. We hope our readers who are looking for love will find Shannon's advice useful and insightful.

DEAR SHITFACED SHANNON:
I’m not bad looking and I’m an okay conversationalist, so why can’t I seem to find a boyfriend?